The World’s Best Definition of Love

Okay, I guess I should have added “in my opinion” to the title.
But everything on this blog is my opinion. I searched online for
a definition of love and the results were muddled and
confusing. Some even stated sexual desire was love. Really?
The reason there are so many varying and contradictory
definitions is because love is not being studied. It’s been
explored in countless poems, musical lyrics and other
artistic endeavors, but there has been very little hard
research, investigation or analysis of love.
There’s an accepted mindset that love is indefinable. I find
this beyond weird. Love! One the most extraordinary and
satisfying experiences we can have as human beings. We’re
like engineers who never bothered to study math. It doesn’t
make sense.
Taking off from Brene Brown’s work, let’s start the discussion
and answer the question…
What is love?
“An intangible connection between two people that
feels exceptionally good.”
The strength and depth of the connection is determined
by two conditions.
1. The level of self-acceptance each person has for
themselves.
2. How open, honest and exposed each individual is willing
to be.
Qualities always present with these connections are:
Trust – believing in their integrity and good intentions
towards you.
Respect – concluding they are good and worthy of
appreciation.
Affection – demonstrating your good intentions through
your actions.
Love is not an emotion. Love is the connection. Your
feelings are a reaction to the quality of that connection.
Loving Yourself First
The part I find most interesting in this definition is the
conditions that make love more powerful. First, self-
acceptance. You’ve heard the phrase “you can’t love
someone more than you love yourself.” What exactly does
that mean and how does it work?
If there are aspects of yourself you reject, these issues
are your hot buttons . They’re a source of discomfort. When
someone hits or gets near one your buttons, you’ll
unmindfully react to the discomfort with blame, shame,
disrespect and withhold your affection until the discomfort
dissipates. So even if you are a parent who profoundly loves
your child, you will not be loving towards them when they
tickle your insecurities.
If this is true in a parent-child relationship, considered by
many the most intense version of love a person can
experience, you can imagine what it’s like with a friend or
lover. If they trigger something painful inside you, you’ll
react with fear, hurt or anger, not love. That’s why accepting
all of yourself, creates ideal conditions for experiencing
more and deeper love. There’s less button-stuff to get in

the way.